Installment Six - Not as They May Seem

We re-join our (becoming increasingly less) temporary commissioner, Mike, a few weeks later. The season is well underway and he is gathered with some of the other owners in his regular league. They will remain nameless so as to not introduce too many more characters into this already drifting saga.

“So how’s that other league going?”

“I’m off to a really good start. As long as Chris Chandler and Fred Taylor can stay healthy, I should be OK. They don’t know me, so they think I’m a ringer. It’s pretty funny.”

“Yeah. When was the last time you had a wining record? Wasn’t Regan still in office?”

“More recently than you’ve updated your jokes apparently.”

“What about that eelpout guy?”

“Eelpout? Very funny. Crappie, or Keith as I call him, has been fine. My wife always comments on how polite he is on the phone. He’s off to a pretty good start. I think the time I played him is the only game he lost. He has had a few guys injured already, though. He’s - Was that Garner that just scored? Sweet!”

“Lucky bastard!”

Each replay of Garner’s touchdown stumble was like a rusty dagger in his pancreas, but Keith could not help turning the channel to see it over and over. This room was a sad mixture of technology and loneliness. A big screen TV with stereo surround sound and a Marshal-Stack-rivaling set of speakers. From the only piece of actual furniture, a massaging recliner, he could watch every game, as well as channels with current stats, game analysis, and highlights. (You know what it is. A corporate injunction prevents me from saying the actual name of the service).

His football watching experience started, as it usually does, at 10AM, with ESPN’s pre-game shows. After that, it was the noon game, the late game, highlight shows, the night game, and finally, more highlight shows. It was a grueling schedule, but he wanted to do everything possible to win. It was unclear how repeatedly watching his opponent’s player score furthered this goal. Waiting for a flag to be thrown?

“That guy is so lucky. He’s always so lucky. I’m the one that deserves to win. He hardly even changes his line-up. He doesn’t even have a full line-up, but he wins. He’s so lucky.”
(fade-out to increasingly incoherent ramblings)

What’s with the nameless friends thing?

Is that supposed to be funny or is he assuming that you, the reader, are too lazy to keep track of more names?

That’s it. You’re fired! (or what ever phrase not patented by Donald Trump may be appropriate).

Will Keith do something that, you know, that’s bad or something?

This is harder than I thought it would be.

Help Wanted – Cliff-hanger Question Writer – Would-be editors or critics need not apply.

To find out answers to these and other semi-rhetorical questions, tune in for the next installment of… Football Attraction (scary music fade-out)

Originally appeared in RABEFL News - Volume 14, Week 8

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